Saturday, February 21, 2009

Counting Suede Sheep

Every era has its fashion fads. Every decade has a few milestones in the "i can't believe we use to wear that" department. In the 1970's it was bell bottoms, big collars, and headache-inducing textures. In the 1980's we had unnecessarily big, asymmetrical hair, tighter-than required leg wear and bad make-up. The 1990's graced us with over sized clothing trickled down from hip-hop culture, the Goth/Industrial subculture, and Euro trash (both of which predominantly wear black) We won't even get into the 70's revival of the bell bottoms and platforms. (Why do revivals skip a decade? Couldn't we have gotten it over with earlier?) The early 2000's brought us a rekindled love for fake tans, metro sexuality among men, excessively colored hair and the ushering of the Gotti Boys' hairstyles into mainstream suburbia. What I fear is the most disturbing phenomenon today is the widespread adaptation of Ugg boots among young girls.

Ladies, this may be the ugliest article of clothing you have ever worn... EVER. Even the 80's never got this bad.

Why Ugg boots are retarded:

1. Their silhouette is not flattering. Compare the following images of a gal wearing Ugg Boots verses a sexy pair of stilettos. Guys, lets be frank, who's footwear would you rather have rubbing against your ears? No one likes doin' the Nasty with Ronald McDonald. Nuff said.

2. They appear in ads where women are wearing them in summer months on the beach. WTF? Now, I've never gotten close enough to a pair of these things to actually feel them (for fear of cooties), but it looks to me like they're pretty well insulated with some kind of fur, whether its real or artificial. And some of you gals have the audacity to wear these things with no socks. (You know who you are). So much for taking a long walk on the beach with your boyfriend, and then having some impromptu love making at the hotel room. As soon as you take those Uggs off, he's gonna pass out from the vile stench.

3. Every body's doing it. Girls, when you were little, didn't your mother ask you, "If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge..."? There's no comparison, you say? I'm being too harsh? Well excuse me for not wanting to look like everyone else at the Roosevelt Field Mall. I've seen whole groups of girls walking through the mall together with their Uggs on - in the summer! Sometimes I want to sit them all down and give them a nice stern talking to. It would go something like this:

"Excuse me girls, can I have your attention? Please take one of these informational brochures on the dangers of Ugg Boots." The literature would start off like, "Why Daniella doens't have a date for the prom..." with a picture of a girl wearing Ugg boots on the cover, while crying herself to sleep. LOL. How fun would that be?

I can't wait till it's ten years from now and girls look at old pictures, making comments like, "Oh... My.... God!..... I can't believe we use to wear those things, Becky"

No comments:

Post a Comment